The Black Stallion

Tonight the bed time movie Jeff picked out was, The Black Stallion. 

Its a classic, and was a favorite of mine when i was his age.  Even if you havent seen it, Im sure you atleast know its about a black horse.

As he handed me the movie to put into the VCR, he said. "Mom, they need to change the name of this movie.  Its not very nice.  There arent any black people, they are really brown."

I was a little confused for a second on what he was talking about, then I realized, he didnt know this movie was about a horse.

I gave him a smile and told him that he is right, black people really arent black, and white people really arent white. 

I put in the movie and said, "We wont need to change the name of this movie though, because its about a horse, not a person.  A stallion is a horse."

All i got in return from him was,"Oh"

Thank god because I was tired and just wanted to go to bed!

Like Your Steak Broiled?

I never knew why when i tried to broil steaks on my gas stove, it didnt work, until one day,,,,

I was cooking dinner, i had potatos boiling, veggies steaming, and steaks on the top rack in the oven.  We really wanted to have some steaks on the grill but it was kind of rainy and cold outside, so broiling them was our second choice.

I had the oven door cracked open a little, like your supost to when you broil, and when i looked in the oven, the steak wasnt cooking at all.  I checked the dial on the oven to make sure i had it on right, yup, everything should be working.

Jeff walked into the kitchen and asked how dinner was coming along, "well,  not very well."  I told him.  "The broiler still isnt working, guess i will just have to fry them." 

Frusterated, i turned off the broiler, and bent down to get a pan out of the stove's drawer. When i pulled it open, i noticed it seemed really hot.  the pan inside the drawer was so hot i couldnt touch it, I thought, what the hell?  great, is something wrong with this stove or what?

I looked at my husband for some kind of answer, he didnt seem to know either.  Then he said, hold on a sec, let me check this out.  He bent down to get a closer look inside the drawer.  He took out the lids and the pan I had stored in there.  Then he said, "Turn the broiler on for a sec, I think i figured it out."

I turned on the broiler, and he said, " Yup, I was right.  This is the broiler!"  In disbelief, i said, "What?  No way, thats weird!"  Then it all started making sence. 

When we first moved into our apartment, I couldnt understand why the drawer was so small.  I always thought, what do they expect you to store in there? All I could manage to fit was 2 little lids and one little frying pan.

Its a good thing my pans didnt have plastic handles, or there would have been a mess.  I guess I should have asked my friend how to work the broiler, the same day she showed me how to light the stove!

Whats That Smell ?

"Poopy mouth?  clean it up with orbit gum!"  Thats the first thing that comes to mind when i think of daddy watching the kids!

When little Jeff was about 2 years old, i started working again.  I worked days, and Jeff worked nights.  that way we didnt have to get a babysitter.

 Little Jeff was still in diapers but, he always told us when he needed to be changed.  Well, this one paticular morning, Jeff let his daddy know in a way we will never forget! 

One morning while my husband was watching cartoons with Jeff, he kinda dosed off a little on the couch. Little Jeff had pooped his pants, and instead of telling his daddy, he decided to reach in his diaper and pull a turd out.  Jeff had been a little constipated, so when he pooped in his diaper it was like hard little rabbit turds. 

Not only did Jeff pull out one of those little nuggets, but then he decided to try and feed one to his daddy.  My husband didnt realize what jeff had just done, all he knew was Jeff just put something in his mouth. 

He smacked his lips together, trying to figure out what it was, it didnt taste like anything.  He didnt even open his eyes, untill,,,,, "Whats that smell!?!"

He started to smell something horrible, like poop! His eyes slowly opened, and he struggled to figure out what was in his mouth, and why all of the sudden he smelled poop.

He looked over at an innocent little 2 year old boy, with nothing but a diaper on.   He reached in his mouth and pulled out what was left of what ever "it" was. Still trying to figure out what the poop smell was, he decided to smell "it".

Yup, it smelled like poop. he looked again at Little Jeff as he reached in his diaper and pulled out a little brown nugget.  Jeff held it up proudly to his daddy.  My husband jumped up and started spitting and gaging.  He couldnt believe what had just happend to him. 

When a friend of mine heard about this story, she laughed her butt off and said, "Dirty mouth?  Clean it up with Orbit gum"

A Modern Day Carpet Bagger

"I'm sorry mom but I'm moving out, I dont want to, but i have to."  This is what my 7 year old son said to me after i hurt his feelings. 

I didnt mean to hurt his feelings, i was simply trying to help him solve a math problem.  He asked me how many more years untill he is 18. I told him to count from 7 and try to figure it out.  I saw that he was struggling, so as most moms do, i started to count on my fingers to show him how to figure it out.

He got so mad at me, he ran to his room crying.  I learned from past experiences that its usually best to just let him go calm down.  Taylor ran to Jeff's room to see if he was ok. 

I was in the next room and could hear they were talking.  Then i heard Taylor was getting upset by the tone of her voice.  I heard Jeff tell her he was sorry he had to move, but not to worry, we could all visit him at Suzanne's house. 

She came running to me with tears streaming down her cheeks.  She was so upset she could hardly get her words out.  She told me that she didnt want Jeff to leave and go to a different school.   She said she would miss him so much!

This was starting to go to far, so i told Taylor not to worry her brother wasnt going anywhere!  I got up and calmly walked to his room.  When i looked in his room to see what he was doing, I saw that he had gotten a kitchen garbage bag, and started packing.  His room was a mess!

When i asked him what was in the bag he told me it was a few of his things he wanted to take with him.  I asked him where he was going.  He said, "Suzanne's house."   I said, "Oh, ok.  Well your room is a big mess!  and your not going any where till you clean it up.  I wont allow you to move out of here and leave this mess for me to clean up!"

Suprisingly he dropped his bag, and started to clean his room.  He got most of his room picked up, then came out to the living room.  He informed me that, since i wanted him to stay so bad, that he changed his mind.  He decided he wasnt going to move out after all, just for me.  :)

Rahr!

Little Taylor was in her room cuddling with her teddy bear on the floor, and watching a movie.  I snuck up behind her and yelled "RAHR!"  and tickled her belly.  She laughed really loud and said, "Mom, you scared me for death!"   hahaha  :)

I Read The Cyclepedia

My genius 7 year old son was just telling me about stars.  He said that stars are just asteroids, and falling stars are just falling asteroids.  He also said that the sun and asteroids are on fire, thats why they are so bright.

"Wow!  how do you know that?"  I asked him.  He answered, "Im smart cause i read the cyclepedia"

Is That Your Friend?

I finally got to go shopping with suzanne today, and boy does she find the cool stuff!  Little Jeff was at school so it was just us girls. 

First we looked at kid clothes, and went through some dresses for taylor.  but we didnt find any her size.  then we walked over to look at pieces of material, (Suzanne is great at sewing).  We found a few pieces that had potential, but they were a little pricey.

We continued looking around, got half way through the store and still didnt have anything in our shopping cart.  Finally we got to the kitchen utensils.  We both found a few things there.  As we were looking at a big canning pot, i recieved a text message from  one of my bosses.  It read: Is that girl your friend?  I thought, thats wierd, she must be in the store somewhere.  well, why didnt she just walk up and say hello?

I replied with: what? where are you?  Then she text me back with the same question: Is that your friend?  I started to get frusterated and said once more: where are you??

Durring this texting back and forth, i was telling Suzanne what was going on.  She laughed and we both kinda looked around to see if we could see someone creeping around.  Then Suzanne said, "well who else would i be? your girlfriend?  Maybe i should give you a kiss and really freak her out."  We both laughed really hard.  Then i said, "Oh yeah, that would be funny. I can just hear Taylor going home and telling daddy all about it!  How would i explain that one?" 

Just then my phone rang, it was my boss.  I didnt even say hello, I answered with, "where are you?"  Then she explained to me that she just had an interview with a possible new employee.  Durring the interview she had told my boss that she was a friend of mine.  Since i never said anything about a friend of mine applying there, my boss just wanted to confirm if i knew her or not. 

So, then i told Suzanne what my boss had said.  We both kinda laughed a little, and i was relived to know my boss isnt a stalker. 

 moral of the story?  Dont jump to conclusions and start kissing people, because ya just never know.......

Where Are My Matches?

Growing up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, most houses have electric stoves.  Im not sure if i have ever even seen a gas stove in real life till i was about 20 years old, and had moved to California.

Being a new wife, and living so far from home, I had to kinda figure things out on my own.  The first time i went to cook something on the stove i was completely confused.  yes, i know how to cook, and have used the stove many time before, just not a gas one! 

I called jeff into the kitchen for help, i thought maybe he would know how to use the stove.  well,  he wasnt much help.  He showed me how to turn on the burner, and use a match to light it.  So from that point on, i always used a match to light the burners, and the oven. 

A few years went by and i continued using matches.  I had finaly made a good friend who was also a military wife, but was a california native.  I invited her over for dinner one night, since both our husbands were on duty. 

Little Jeff was about 1 years old, and she had a daughter the same age.  We let the kids play in the living room, so we could talk while i made dinner.  When i turned on the gas and grabbed my matches, she said " whoa!  what the hell are you doing?"  and started laughing her ass off.  I didnt know what she was talking about.  I lit the burner and placed the pot on the stove. 

She continued to laugh and I said, " What?  what is so funny?"  She asked me why i used a match to light the stove.  My eyes opend wide, and I raised my eyebrows and said, " well, how else do you light it? "

She reached over, turned the nob all the way to the left.  It made a click click click noise (hmmm never heard it do that before) and Poof!  well holy shit!  that burner turned on.  I was so amazed, i said " how did you know how to do that?"  She laughed some more and told me that, gas is all she has ever used.  in fact, she has never used an electric stove, ever.

That night before she and her daughter left, I asked her to show me how to light the oven.  well,,, wouldnt ya know it,,,  she just turned the oven dial all the way to the left and,,,, click click click,,, that lit its self too. 

Its All About The Sucking, The Tounge, And The Teeth

Today while i was visiting with Suzanne, she gave the kids a popcicle.  You know the kind that you can usually buy from the ice cream man for 50 cents.  Its shaped kinda like a rocket, and is sometimes blue on the bottom and red on top. 

With Jeff everything is a race, so of coarse, he was eating that popcicle as fast as he could. Suzanne and I were in the kitchen talking away, and the kids were sitting there eating there popcicles being quiet.  Then all of the sudden Jeff blurts out, "Look, I sucked it off!"  with a big grin of achievement.  Jeff had managed to break the top part of his popcicle off.

We kind of snickerd a little, and said some people cant do that. We asked him how he had done that.  he replied, " Its all about the sucking, the tounge, and the teeth. See, I got it off! "   We were laughing so hard. At the same time Suzanne and I said, " oh it was the teeth".   Then Taylor chimed in, " I licked mine off " 

We were laughing so hard, and those little kids had no idea what in the world was so funny. The only thing they knew was, Taylor had licked the top of her popcicle off, and Jeff had sucked his off.

Oh Rats!

Literaly!  At work yesterday i made a horrible discovery.  I walked into the stock room to get more beer for our cooler, and as i was walking along i felt something roll under my foot. I stopped, turned around and saw a little grey thing on the floor. 

At first i didnt know what it was, untill i saw legs twitch, and then a little sqeek. it was only about an inch long.  My co-worker was back there with me, and I said, "oh my god!  I think i just killed it!"  Stacy said, "oh great, we have mice."  

nope, it was no mouse, it was a baby rat!  that poor little thing was probly only a day or two old, and i had killed it. I told her " that is a baby rat, look, its the size of a small mouse, but it has no hair, and its eyes are still closed." 

I just stood there for a minute in disbelief.  I felt my face get hot, then the tears came.  I am the type of person that wont even kill a bee or a spider, i catch them, and then put them outside. 

I looked at Stacy and said i was sorry for crying, i felt a little dumb.  She reasured me that it was ok, and sometimes you just need to cry.  I sent a text message to my boss about what had happend, and asked her what to do.  I even took a picture of it and sent it to her. 

As Stacy and I waited for a response, we heard anther sqeek.  Great, another one, except this one was still alive. 

Getting rid of a dead one is much easier then getting rid of an alive one.  There was no way i was going to kill that other one, and since they were new born i knew they would die with out there mom anyways. 

So, i scooped them both up into a little box, and took them out behind our building, and dumbed them into someones grass.  i figured a bird or a cat would eat them.  Well that made me feel a little better since that is the cycle of life. 

  Finally my boss called and said she didnt believe me.  She thought i was getting her back from a prank she did on me months ago.  so, i told her to prove that its real, i would go out side and take a picture of it with one of our name badges next to it. 

I hung up the phone, and went outside.  As i was walking up to the grass i could hear the alive one screaming.  yup, screaming!  When i finnaly saw where it was, it was coverd in big red and black ants. 

I quickly took the picture, and sent it.  I wish i never would have went back outside to take that second picture, that poor baby rats screams are still in my head. 

I still feel bad, being this sensitive has got to be a curse. Next time, im just gonna leave it there and let someone else handle it.

where are all the parents?

This past Memorial Day, my hubby and I finally got a day off together.  We decided to invite some of his friends from work over, and later that day we all went to the lake.

  The park was absolutly packed!  hardly any parking, every table was full, tons of people swimming in the lake, and the air was filled with the many different bbq smells.  My first instict was, nevermind!  to crowded!  But we were already there, and figured we might as well hang out for a bit and let the kids play. 

First we walked to the water.  Our friends let their puppy splash around a little, and since there wasnt any spot to sit, we decided to walk to the play ground so the kids could play.  well when we got to the play ground area, it was twice as packed! 

I tried to remain calm, larg crowds and me, (especialy when i have my kids with me)  dont mix!  I followed Taylor around, she was never more then 5 feet from me at all times.  I kept a close eye on Jeff too, but he had more freedom.  My husband and his 3 friends and their dog all kinda stayed on the side.  while they were talking they kept an eye on jeff too. 

Everything was going fine, i was starting to relax a little.  As i keep an eye on my kids, I also keep an eye, and ear on our surroundings (like im sure most moms do).  I noticed that there seemed to be way more kids then adults, atleast 10 kids to 1 adult.  there were so many people running around everywhere, i couldnt tell who was with who, or if they were having the biggest family reunion of all time! 

with so much comotion, and kids using bad words, and lack of adults, and their supervision, i started to freak!   Then Taylor heads to the swings, and she is few feet in front of me as i follow her. Taylor being only 4, was in her own little happy world, eyes only on one thing, the swings!  Here comes the part that really set me off,,,, 

A boy probly about 7 or 8 years old,  was walking right in taylors direction, he was looking back yelling at someone (not paying attention to where he was going)  and just at the last second, looks forward, Taylor and that little boy were basically face to face.  That kid had no idea i was standing there, or that i was even an adult or this little girls mom. 

As soon as they both stoped in their tracks, that kid yelled right in Taylors face like he was about to attack.  oh hell no!  with in a split second i yelled "HEY!"  (in that mom tone, that means BUSTED! or your ass is grass!) The look on that kids face was priceless!  That kid had the OMG look on his face, eyes big as silver dollars. 

I bent bent down a little and said, " Is that how you treat little kids?"  He said "yeah,"    I replied, "No, its not, its mean and rude!" 

I was about to ask who his mother was, but then decided against it.  I just turned around and grabbed taylor by the hand and yelled to my husband  "time to go!"    

I figured it was best just to let the kid go, and to not push the issue, or confront the parents.  i figured, what good would it do?  obviously his parents didnt give a damn what he was doing, or what was going on, or they would have been there watching too. 

Did they even care that some other mom just yelled at their kid?  I did feel bad for doing so, but over my dead body will i let anyone treat a little 4 year old like that (especialy my own babies) 

I have always been the kind of person to defend children, or anyone that cant defend themselves.  The question that keeps repeating in my head is, "where the hell are all the parents?" 

Dont they want to know where and what their kids are doing?  Dont they want to know that their kids are ok, and nobody is harming them?  Do they care if their kids are acting apropriatly, and acting like fine outstanding people? 

Well maybe they just dont care, maybe they want a bunch of little ass holes running around, to grow up to be even bigger ass holes.  Maybe the parents themselves dont know the difference between right and wrong. 

I realize kids will be kids, and boys will be boys,  but really,,,  where is the parenting and supervision?  there is so much lack of respect for others in society now a days,, well,,,,,  no wonder!   it all starts at home!  

Rock And Roll All Night

Being a huge American Idol fan, i would let my kids stay up late on those nights so they could watch it with me.  We all had our own favorites.  Jeff's favorite was Chris (who just happend to win) and mine was Adam (came in second) and Taylors was Matt, untill he got voted off, then she said Adam was her new favorite (just like mommy!).  well, the other night was the finally, and let me just say this, IT WAS AMAZING!  i could not believe all the stars they had on there.  Queen Latifa, Fergi, Black eyed peas, Rod Steward, Lynol Richie (sorry about the spelling)  just to name a few.  But the one that caught little Jeff's eye, was when Adam performed with KISS !  That performance was jaw dropping for that little 7 year old.  The next day Jeff asked me if i had any of their CDs,  oh, but of coarse i do!  *big grin*  i absolutly love classic rock, and just happen to know a thing or two about certain bands.  I told little Jeff that at least one of the members in the band used to be a school teacher( that sparked his interest!)  then i showed him the cover of the cd.  i said, "imagin having a teacher like that!"  it was a picture of all the guys in full makeup and costume. His eyes lite up and he laughed.  then i told him that they probly didnt dress like that when they were teaching, it was just for fun.  then we listen to the cd for most of the day, and jeff would occasionaly pick up the cd case and look at it, and read off the names of the songs that were playing.  by the end of the day Jeff and Taylor were both singing along and dancing to KISS,  Hmmmm,  could they be the youngest members of the KISS army?  *smiles*  yup, they are definatly my kids!

A forgotten fairytale

Sitting around the dinner table the other night, my son asked if plants were alive.  I told him that yes they are.  He took another bite of dinner, looked around the kitchen at the few plants i have hanging around, then said, "but they dont eat food".  I shook my head and said " yes there is special plant food, they need water, and they grow, just like all living things."  Then Jeff said, "well they dont eat people food, like pizza".   I responded, "true, but if we had a compost pile and put the pizza in there, it would turn into fertilzer for the plants."   "What is fertilizer?" he asked.  i told him its plant food.  Through this entire converstation, it didnt seem like Taylor had been paying attention at all.  She was sitting there quietly eating her dinner like a good girl.  Then Jeff said excitedly, "my teacher read a book about a plant that ate pizza."   I said  "oh really?  what was it called?"  Jeff tilted his head to the side a little and said, "i cant remember"  and before Jeff had a second to finish what he was saying, Taylor belted out " PIZZA AND THE BEAST!  DUH! "  then she took another bite of her food and continued chewing like she never even said a word.  Me and Jeff just kinda looked at each other with our mouths open, then looked at her, then back at eachother again, and just started laughing. Oh how i love having dinner with my babies, they are always full of suprises!

Funny Things Kids Say

Today was a beautiful day, so hot it felt like summer.  The kids and I hung out in the back yard all day and while I laid in the sun the kids were playing in their little blow up pool.  I went into the house to get us all something to drink, then Taylor (4 years old) decided it was to hot for clothes.  Jeff (7 years old) came running in the house screaming "Mom ! Taylor is running around outside naked!"  So, I stop what im doing walk to the back door and yell " Taylor put your clothes back on please! "  then turned around and continued getting our drinks.  When I went back out side I saw that little Taylor had only put her skirt back on.  I said, "Taylor hunny, you need to put your shirt back on, or go get a dress."  She came running up to me brushing her wild hair out of her face and said "But mom, i wanna be a hottie"  OMG! what?  did she really just say that? LMAO!  and she was dead serious.  I laughed so hard, and said " oh hunny,  you can be a hottie with your clothes on" .  I took her by the hand and we picked out a dress her Grandma Leah bought her.